Here's a few 'Pointers' I found online:
-I wish you understood that infertility changes people. I am not the same person I was before I experienced it nor will I ever be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to “get back to my old self,” you will be frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values, and beliefs. Please try and get to know the “new me”…maybe you will still like me.
- I wish you would not be afraid to speak to me about my losses, my infertility, and to ask questions or if you can help.
- If I cry or get emotional when we talk about them, I wish you knew that it isn’t because you have hurt me. The fact that I have suffered has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry, and I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.
- I wish you wouldn’t pretend that nothing is happening to me, because it is a large part of my life. I need my friends and family by my side.
- I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you wouldn’t think that if I have a good day, my grief is over, or that if I have a bad day, I need psychiatric counseling.
- Being an infertile person is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn’t shy away from me.
- I wish you would not offer me drinks or drugs to ease the pain. These are just temporary crutches. The only way I can get through this grief is to experience it, and sometimes immerse myself in it. I have to hurt before I can heal.
- I wish for those friends and family that are pregnant to understand that we are happy for them and our sadness/perhaps odd or distant behavior during this time is not personal but just a part of what we are grieving.
One more thing, then I'll end my entry for the day :) Don't ever say to anyone going through this: There are worse things out there than infertility, be glad'. To that person you said that to, infertility just may be 'the worst thing'.
I'm tired of being quiet
CD 22 9 DPO - Been awhile since I started an entry with that!! I waiver between wanting to keep track of all that on here, to just keeping you all posted on what's currently going on, without the added numbers :) So there you have it, it'll be a surprise as to how I start my entry for the day hehehe
I remember when I started this journal that I would say what day I was in my cycle, then state any symptoms I was experiencing. Lately, I've been more about... I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I still keep track of my cycle days, what day I'm on and IF any symptoms should appear, I just don't necessarily write them in here anymore. I just feel that my journal has to take a bit of a turn, like I myself have. Like I've said before, I'm tired of being embarrassed about this, I'm tired of being quiet - I'm going to do all I can to make others aware that this even exists - I guess that makes the new direction..... going public!? Ok, so that wasn't a snappy title or anything, but I'm tired, it's all I could come up with on such short notice. :)
Before I forget - I have to say, again, how much I love my friend, Christina - even though she's currently pregnant with twins (b!tch <-- hehe, Sorry honey). For those of you out there, fighting this fight, look around you, don't eliminate someone as a confidant, just because you don't think they'll understand, or just because they're pregnant and you aren't. When Christina and I first started actually hanging out, which was about the same time as the Infertility walk here in town. I was excited to finally be able to talk to someone about getting pregnant, as she too was also trying. We'd get together and complain about the 2 week wait, or the phantom symptoms. We'd always know where the other person was in their cycle (as sick as that sounds, it's nice to have someone know where exactly you are and when you're next period was due). Then, she went and did the impossible (in my eyes), she went and got pregnant, without me. It's funny, that's how it felt when she told me, like she had just abandoned me, almost like a betrayal. Who was she to get pregnant after 5 months, when my husband and I were still trying, after more than a year and a half - where was the fairness in that? Anyways, after she told me, as you know, I explained to her how I felt - happy for her, but VERY sad for me. She was very understanding, and still stood by me through my fight, from a distance, as I wasn't ready to face her yet! Anyways, you guys know all this - she's been great, and then some. I don't know why, but I find her one of the easiest people to talk to about this fight. I can't explain it... well, I know it has something to do with her sympathy/empathy - she's learned, through trial and error, what to say and what not to say to me during my many emotions. It's definitely a roller coaster ride, to say the least, and she's able to keep up. Today I was feeling bummed (which I must admit, hasn't happened in awhile, I've been really good - I was even surprising myself), so I told her about how I was feeling. She sent me a huge email, just saying stuff like: It's OK and very much expected/needed for me to have bad days when I'm going through what I am and how much she's thinking about us and praying for us and sending me 'E' hugs hehe (Hugs through email). It did make me feel better, but what amazed me even more, was she sent me another email, to my house (as she knew I was no longer at work) and asked again how I was feeling and that she's thinking about me. How sweet is she!?
The government pays for abortions and Viagra?
You know, I've realized that I've also started counting things, but my periods, not by months/weeks. How weird am I!? Like, something is happening in a month, but in my mind, it's one period away. Odd..... need to stop that or people are going to think I'm really losing it.
Sorry, every now and then I have to throw in some 'boring' facts. Well, here are some that might shock you:
Each year, about two percent of women aged 15-44 have an abortion; 47% of them have had at least one previous abortion.
The reasons women give for having an abortion underscore their understanding of the responsibilities of parenthood and family life. Three-fourths of women cite concern for or responsibility to other individuals; three-fourths say they cannot afford a child; three-fourths say that having a baby would interfere with work, school or the ability to care for dependents; and half say they do not want to be a single parent or are having problems with their husband or partner. Forty-six percent of women who have abortions had not used a contraceptive method during the month they became pregnant.
Over 110,000 abortions are performed in Canada every year, that represents a ratio of about 30 abortions to every 100 live births, one of the highest rates among developed countries - Abortions in Canada are provided on request and funded by Medicare, to Canadian citizens and permanent residents (as with most medical procedures) in hospitals across the country. Abortion funding for hospitals comes from the various provincial governments (their overall health expenses are however paid for in part by the federal government). One-third of hospitals perform abortions, and these perform two-thirds of abortions in the country. The remaining abortions are performed by public and private-for-profit clinics. In Quebec, In January 2008, the government decided to fund all abortions without any limitations.
Also, please read the letter below, and make a difference, even if you're not diagnosed yourself:
This is a letter that was in an issue of the IAAC (The Infertility Awareness Association of Canada) Creating Families magazine. It is geared towards Canada but could be altered for use in other countries. For my birthday this year, I am going to request (from the people I have shared our IF journey with) that they send one of these letters instead of a birthday card. I wanted to post it here in case any of you would like to do a copy/paste/send to your local MP (Minister of Parliament)
Mr./Ms. (Full Name), M.P.
House of Commons
Ottawa, Ontario
K1A 0A6
Dear Mr./Ms. (last name)
1. Children are Canada's most valuable future resource. Previous governments have claimed to be concerned about our country's declining birth rate. Yet they have refused to provide crucial assistance for many Canadians who are committed to becoming parents.
2. Nearly one Canadian couple in six experiences infertility problems. Infertility is not a choice. It is a medical condition. These couples need professional assistance in order to conceive. Even so, today's most advanced assisted reproduction technologies (ART) remain beyond their financial means.
3. The new government says that it will stand up for Canada by meeting the needs and interests of Canada's families. Mr. Harper's election platform declared that the family is the building block of society. What about standing up for Canadian couples who want to create their families, but can't - because they need medical assistance to do so - assistance that is often beyond their private means?
4. The new government is committed to relieving financial pressures on low-income and middle-income families bringing up children. It has promised to provide child-care money directly to parents. Will it also provide assistance to couples who want to create families but cannot, without financial access to assisted reproductive technologies?
5. Restricting access to IVF compromises the fertility of woman, causes immense financial hardship to couples requiring assisted conception treatments and makes IVF affordable for well-off couples only.
6. Infertility problems also carry social and economic costs: lost working hours, poor productivity, psychological and psychiatric support to treat stress and depression, and marital breakdowns.
7. The total cost of a refundable tax credit for IVF treatment would be $170 million for the entire country. This represents a little over one tenth of one percent of Canada's $130 billion estimated total health care spending in 2004.
8. Since 1983, over 15,000 children have been born in Canada through assisted reproduction technologies. Today these children - many of whom are now voting age - and their parents and extended families expect our political leaders to courageously and fairly address this important issue, so that all Canadians may share not only the costs but also the public benefits of IVF treatment.
9. It is time for Canada to take a major step forward in health and family policy by guaranteeing funded IVF treatment. I sincerely hope our country's infertile couples may rely on your support.
Yours Truly,
Canadian Infertile Voter
A pretty powerful letter - let's see how many we can get out there!!
Ok, no more journal writing today - officially done - sorry for the long one - had to be done.
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