Symptoms, acupuncture, sharing

I have had some… symptoms, yet again. My breasts stared hurting on day 17 – which is highly unusual – and they’ve been hurting on and off since that day. Also, I’ve been super bloated, crampy, gasey and a couple times at work today, I felt nauseous. Now, because we got the good news about Dustys sperm getting better – this is probably a way for my body to trick me – yet again – into thinking I’m now pregnant. After all, his sperm is better, there-fore I should be pregnant, right? Isn’t that how it works? *Dreaming*

Oh, I should also mention that Dusty and I have both started going to acupuncture. We went the first time last Monday – what an experience that was. The woman I saw now knows more about my body than my own husband does. If you’re not into sharing everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, I highly suggest not going for acupuncture. We talked about my general health, how I eat, my exercise routine, how I’ve been feeling lately. Well, those questions were easy to answer, unlike the next ones to come. You’re going to laugh, and maybe even be grossed out forewarning. How about this for a question:

‘How are your bowel movements and what are they like?’ Now, I giggled and wasn’t too sure how to answer that, to which she goes on…’Well, a ‘normal’ bowel movement is like a well formed sausage –is yours like that, or looser or harder..?’ OMG – I laughed out loud and told her that I’d never talked to anyone about my poop before. Wow, the things they ask. I could go on and on, but I’ll keep the .. ‘eeewww factor’ to a minimum – believe me – you’re better off this way.

Well, we talked so much that by the time she was going to put the needles in, there wasn’t much time left. I only had the needles in me for about 5 minutes. I should also come clean and say I was a bit scared about the needles – I know they’re small, but they’re still needles dammit. Turns out, you really don’t feel them much – maybe a bit after they were in and she was turning them, but even then, not bad. I had one in each hand, by my thumbs – one above my pubic bone – one in each calf, higher up – one on the inside of each ankle and one in the top of each foot. I’m so brave!

Anyways, Dusty and I have decided to continue on with acupuncture for at least a month – give it a try – see what happens. After all, it’s way cheaper than any fertility treatments/drugs, so why not.

Fertility clinic appt so far away...

Now, this being day 20 of my cycle, I expect my damn period within the next 4 – 6 days tops - can I ask you all to pray that I’m wrong – that I won’t actually get it again for another 9 months? Hehe

So – here we go – in the home stretch – a few more days and we’ll know for sure one way or the other. When it comes to this time of the month, I have conflicting thoughts. Not about getting pregnant, but just the thought of it being so soon to finding out. On one hand, I want a few more days before I find out – add a couple on there – just to be sure my body has done everything it needs to, to finally hold on and get pregnant. But, on the other hand, I want to know NOW – it’s the waiting that kills you. The two week wait is enough to drive a girl to drink ß I wont, but you know what I mean.

Oh well, not much I can do but relax, try not to stress and keep my fingers crossed that there will be tears of pure joy within the next week or so. *crossing fingers*

Well, well, well. When we saw the urologist last and were booking our appointment for the fertility clinic, I had asked about how long it takes to get in. The receptionist then told me, ‘oh, not long, maybe a month to a month and a half. My, my, was she ever wrong. We got the call today from the clinic and we now have an appointment – get this – for July 8th at 1:30PM. I should mention now, that it’s only Feb 21st right now!! Almost 5 months away before we can get in!? Pardon my French, but WHAT THE FUCK? Such a let down. We’ve waited so long already, after this month, we’re moving into month 16 of trying. And they want us to wait yet another 5 months before we even get into the fertility clinic? Are they THAT busy? I really don’t even know what to say!? By then it will be 21 months of trying and no baby – and that’s just to get in and talk to someone – we still have to figure out what to do from there – and how long that will take is anyone’s guess!?

Disappointment comes crashing down, yet again. We have been put on a cancellation list – but really, after waiting that long how many people would cancel their appointment?

Ah, the waiting game – a game I have never been good at. Especially when you want something so bad – and lets be frank, I’m not getting any younger. With age and pregnancy comes things like: having to have the gi-normous needle poked through your belly & higher risks of something either going wrong with the baby, or with the pregnancy itself.

Seriously, I’m at a loss for words.

Maybe that is yet another reason why I’m having weird things happening this month – serious wishful thinking that we wont have to wait another 5 months to even talk to someone else about our issues.!? I haven’t really felt nauseous today – not really. A couple times I had a quick twinge of… ‘Hmmm, I don’t feel so good’ only for it to pass as quickly as it came. But.. I can say that something is going on ‘down there’. I have been seriously bloated, gasey, crampy and just not quite right. Dear God let this be the month, let me finally be pregnant! A few more days and this months waiting game will be over………

Chatting with my daughter – it's not up to her...

The other night, I had mentioned something to Mariah about how she will be an excellent big sister - to which she just told me to shut up and started making a lot of noise so she couldn’t hear me talk anymore. < That set me off. This has been hard enough as it is – I know she doesn’t want me to get pregnant, but really, it’s time to get over it. I got a bit upset and said that she’s gonna need to go to counseling or something about her feelings about this whole situation – to which, of course, she replied, ‘No’. She got up and walked away, in time to not see me cry. I wish so bad that she would be happy for us or at least understanding. I know she’s a teenager, but come on, we’re like best friends – you’d think she’d want me to be happy. Well, she left to do her thing and I went upstairs to have a bath. She had made some funny comment and I guess when I didn’t respond her, she then realized that maybe she took it too far. I went to bed after my bath, which killed me, because usually I kiss her good night first. As I lay in bed, waiting for Dusty, I was praying that Mariah would come into the room herself and apologize. I knew there was no way I could sleep without hugging and kissing her and telling her I love her. Well, about 5 minutes passed and she finally came in. She leaned down and gave me a kiss and kinda turned to leave – but I could tell she was upset. She then turned around again and, with tears in her eyes, gave me a hug. I could feel her body start to shake from crying, as I pulled her into bed with me –me holding her and us both crying. Dusty climbed into bed with us and we all just laid there – me holding Mariah and Dusty holding me. I proceeded to tell Mariah that it hurts my feelings when she talks like that about me getting pregnant. How I wished she could just be happy for us. And, just to drive the point home, I said ‘I know you don’t want to hear this…’ as I had to stop… cry a bit, then go on, ‘But, this whole situation has be incredibly hard for both Dusty and I…’ to which I went on and told her how it feels every month, when my period arrives yet again. She told me then that she never really thought about that part of it. All 3 of just, laid there, holding each other and talking – a situation that needed to be done for many months now. Mariah still isn’t on board with us getting pregnant – but I think she understands a bit more – how hard it’s been and how bad we want this. Also, last night Dusty told me that he felt he should write something for Mariah. He showed it to me before bed last night – it was the sweetest thing I’ve ever read. All about how he loves her so much, how she’s the best kid he’s ever known, that if he ever gets a chance to have a daughter of his own, that he wants her to turn out just like Mariah. See, told you I had the best husband out there! Anyways, he feels he has to write a bit more – then he’ll give it to her. I cant wait to see her reaction!

Anyways, here’s hoping I’m pregnant as we speak.. that we wont have to wait another 5 months for anything, but my growing belly!

Yet another period...

Pregnant as we speak - Not to happen, yet again this month. Damn AF has reared her ugly head – AGAIN!? See, I swear, things start changing, like Dusty’s sperm sample, and my body starts to send me false symptoms. The boobs that were on again, off again sore, the upset tummy, heartburn and just feeling different - all for not. Why can’t it be that if one gets pregnant, that’s it, clear cut symptoms, no false symptoms. If only it were that easy.

This past period, I did things a little differently though. Usually I hide the fact that I’m so upset, from Mariah. This time, I let it all out, in front of her. I wanted her to see exactly what we go through, each and every month it doesn’t happen. I do believe it made it more real for her again. I was standing in the kitchen, crying, when she came in and asked what was wrong. I was going to be strong, wipe the tears away and explain it away as a bad day. BUT, I decided to let her in on what was happening. Told her I got my period and that’s why I was crying. She came over and gave me a huge hug – then said ‘If you want, we can talk about it.’ So we did. I told her how I felt like a failure, that I felt like I wasn’t quite a woman, because I couldn’t get pregnant. I told her I go through this every month and how hard it is. I said I knew how she didn’t want a brother or a sister, but Dusty and I really want a baby, badly. In the entire time that we talked – never once did she make any rude comments about not wanting me to have a baby, or that we should give up, stop trying. She’s so grown up. It’s scary!

Anyways, it was GREAT to finally talk to Mariah about it- while it was happening.

You’d also think that crying to Dusty and crying and talking to Mariah would have been enough for me. Not true, I still needed my Mommy. I don’t care how old I get, I will always need my Mom, and I know she’ll always be there for me as well.

So, I call her on the phone. When she answers she can tell right away that something is… off. She asked what’s wrong, and that’s all it took for the tears to come, yet again. By the tears, she guessed what was wrong – “Awe honey, you got your period today, didn’t you” she asked. When I said that yes, I did, she replied “Oh honey, I’m sooo sorry”. See, that’s what’s great about my Mom. She knows not to say things such as ‘Don’t worry, it’ll happen’ and other things that, well meaning, people say to try to ease the pain. She knows how much it hurts me, how bad we want this to happen, how much we deserve this to happen.

Without my Moms shoulder to cry on, I don’t know where I‘d be today. She’s been there for me and with me, in some of the toughest parts of my life. I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without her. And just those little words ‘I’m sorry’ do the trick. I know she’s truly sorry that we’re having such a struggle with this whole situation. She wants to be a Grandma, I should say ‘Nana’ again, so badly she can taste it. She sees how happy I am now that I’ve found the man of my dreams, that my life has finally turned out the way she’s always wanted it to. Now, her watching me go through this fight, is killing her as well as Dusty and I.

She also has the rare ability to make me feel better, to talk me down, if you will. She lets me cry, wishing she could hold me, but knowing she’s still ‘there’ for me. We talk about it, we complain about it, she suggests other things for us to try, all the while, telling me we’re doing everything right and that she prays for us every night.

Oh for the love of Moms…



Starting to share my journal with others...

I let my best friend, Tanya, read what I have written so far. She’s been there for me, through it all. She was one of the first people I ever talked to about trying to get pregnant in the first place. Her reply – ‘OK now you've made me cry (several times)... ‘ .

Who knew I had the ability to make others cry!? I mean, I thought this ‘story’ would only make me cry – as it’s all about us, and our struggles. I guess, with her and I being as close as we are – it affects her as well. When asked what ‘part’ made her cry, she replied

‘There is no way that I couldn't cry - I can't explain how much I feel for you and how much I want this for you. Well, the whole story is so intense, and maybe more so because I love you. Meaning, there is / was more than a couple times I had tears. It is the story, not parts of the story - some pages you have much stronger emotions than others - and that's where my tears came from.’


When I sent it to my Mom, a few months ago, she was really happy that I did that. She thanked me for me letting her into my life like that – for her to better understand what we’re going through right now.


Now that I’m not the only one that has read this – I do feel better. I try not to talk about this whole situation too much, with anyone. I’m scared of upsetting people – making them not want to talk to me anymore – knowing that I’d bring up the ‘trying to get pregnant’ topic. Though I have to admit – I could talk about it until I’m blue in the face. It helps me to talk about it, I think. It’s weird, I’m not sure why I feel the need to talk. I guess it’s because I’m thinking about it 50 times a day on my own, why not ‘think’ out loud!? And by me talking to people about it – it helps them better understand what so many of us women go through. If, not for being thrust into this situation myself, I wouldn’t think that infertility was such a huge issue among women/couples. But, being right in the middle of it, reading about it, dealing with it, I see that it’s actually a regularly occurring thing that many couples go through, each and every day. See now, don’t think I’m looking for sympathy. Just saying what I did, I had the inkling that people might be thinking I was out looking for sympathy!? I’m not – not at all. In fact, sympathy is welcome, once a month, no more. On that one day a month, when I want to crawl into a hole and cry until there are no tears left, then it’s welcome. Aside from that, I guess I’m trying to inform? It’s also therapy for me as well. Writing down everything – feelings, thoughts and emotions – helps me get through this a little easier. Helps me vent when I need to vent, cry when I need to cry and try to put everything into perspective.


If, like suggested, I turn this into a book, all this writing, tears, pain, just the flood of emotions, will be worth it if it helps just one woman get through this same situation a little easier. To let her know that she’s not alone in this, that there are many just like her, fighting the same battle. And, written by someone who is NOT a Doctor, NOT a midwife, NOT someone just interviewing people, but written by someone who has personally been through the experience herself. Who knows the highs, the lows, the fears – the trying to be hopeful, when in all honesty, you feel nothing but hopelessness. I know ladies, I’m in the middle of it now…

Acupuncture again


Dusty and I have both been back to acupuncture three times now, the 4th being this coming Monday. Dusty doesn’t get needles in the same places as me, of course, his have been in his forehead, top of his head, groin, legs and feet. This past time, when we were there, I had the same guy – for the second time in a row - always nice to have the same person working on you. Anyways, he even commented right away that I 'should be ovulating any time now…’ That one lone comment, made me feel better going. Like he cares. Anyways, this time, I also had what they call a Moxa stick treatment. After the needles are in – in order of importance – my acupuncturist lit a Moxa stick, holding it close to the needle in my pelvis. I was told to tell him when I feel the heat and from then on, for the next couple minutes, he’d apply it again and again, a couple seconds at a time. I was told he was ‘warming my uterus’. Sounds weird, but hey, if it helps, keep on warming baby.

Starting to use OPK's (Ovulation Predictor Kits)

I should also say, we’re into our 16 month of trying, 16 VERY LONG months. And at present time, am in my dreaded 2 week wait. I say dreaded, because we now know, we’ve done all we can, and it’s the sit and wait for symptoms portion of the month. You know, when I first started the whole process and was googling ‘pregnancy symptoms’ I wrote everything down. I wrote down the day, the ‘symptom’, everything. After months and months of doing that, I was starting to feel like… I guess a hypochondriac, would be the best word. I think every month that went by, I had at least one symptom, usually more. After doing this, I decided that I wouldn’t torture myself anymore. I wasn’t going to write anything down, I was done. I thought it only made me obsess more, but really, it didn’t. I still obsessed just as much – just with no ‘journal’ to prove it.


This month, being month 16, I decided to try the ovulation predictor kits. I was pretty sure I was ovulating – considering the breast tenderness about half way through the month, but thought, what the hell, I have nothing better to do and if more tests are needed on me, I’ll be ready to answer any question they can throw at me. On cycle day 13, I got a positive. Now, a positive usually means that you’re going to ovulate anywhere from 12 – 36 hours later. It was funny, when I finally got the positive, I took the test down to Dusty, showed him and said ‘Looks like you’re getting some tonight honey’.

Now I know I’ve ovulated, officially, we had sex on the right days, now, we wait.

I also started taking a herb called Vitex. Vitex has been used for thousands of years to regulate a womans cycle and her hormones. Since our trip to the fertility clinic isn’t for a few months yet, I needed to do something. I couldn’t just sit around and wait anymore. I decided on the OPK and the Vitex – make sure everything is in working order for me. To this day, I haven’t noticed a difference with taking the Vitex, but time will tell I guess.


I’ve been reading, like an obsessed person, other peoples ‘symptoms’ online. It’s always been, so many days past ovulation ,or DPO, as to how women describe them. I can now join that group, since it’s official that I know when I ovulated, approximately. Makes me wonder though – with a lot of these women, they state things that started happening within a day or two past ovulation. How can that be? How can those be pregnancy symptoms, since it could be up to 11 days before implantation? I don’t understand it, but hey, who am I to say what’s right and what’s wrong? They’re the ones who are now pregnant, I’m not. Well, how about mine, you ready? So far:


3 DPO – sharp shooting pain in my left breast – lasted about 10 – 15 seconds – which then did the same thing in my lower belly, left side

4 DPO – seem to have this ‘pain’ on the side of my upper right breast and into my armpit – hard to describe – almost felt like a muscle ache, though not really

5DPO – same ‘pain’ as above

So – there you have it – my ‘symptoms’ to date. My cycles are usually 25 days, currently on day 18, leaving 7 days to go. Though, for some reason, I think, if it’s going to come at all, it’s going to be late – not sure where that feeling comes from, maybe womans intuition? Maybe it could be that it won’t come at all – a girl can dream can’t she? I do however, have every intention of bringing along a pregnancy test to my parents house next weekend. We’re going there for Easter supper – and what better way to find out, than to be with my family. Again, dreaming, but if you don’t have dreams, you don’t have much at all, do you!?


Possible symptoms??

Alright, it’s now approximately 7DPO and here’s what we have:
6DPO – tender breasts (?) – bit of bloating/cramping – some heartburn

7DPO – fairly tender breasts – not nipples though – not any different from what I usually get every month – about 4 – 6 days before AF arrives. Also, more bloating/cramping & heartburn/gut rot. Just now noticed some low back pain as well – very low back – when I bend over. Temps are remaining high as well – above 98 *crossing fingers that I’ll have the need to test this coming weekend.

Really hoping for sore nipples or some sickly feelings – those would NOT be a usual sign of impending doom – it would be out of the ordinary for sure and a good sign. Never in my life have I wished to puke, or have sore nipples - sounds a little sadistic, but hey, anything out of the ordinary would be fabulous!

8DPO – tender breasts – again, not nipples – hot flash at work & some heartburn ß definitely not my usual ‘gut rot’ definitely heartburn – and irritable ß can’t seem to stop myself though. Poor Dusty just came home, he could tell right away that something was wrong. So, I let it out. Told him I’m irritated with… life. My job sucks, this trying to get pregnant for so long, and nothing happening, sucks –that I’m just irritated with life. Could it be PMS with my period so close? Could it be that I’m pregnant and having a hormone surge as we speak? Haha I don’t know…

Today is Monday – Thursday is D Day or should I say P Day? Lets see, Since September of last year, my periods have been either on cycle day 25 or 26. Today being cycle day 22, we’re getting close. I haven’t really had any definitive symptoms, not ones that I couldn’t also rationalize as being regular PMS. Why do they have to be so damn similar? It’s a big tease, and so frustrating. ‘Pretend you are until you know differently’… easy for them to say. Makes it only harder when, yet again, it doesn’t happen. I was told by a friend, not too long ago, to go out and get rip roaring drunk and a week later, I’ll find out I’m pregnant. Now, sounds callous, but hey, I’ve contemplated it haha We’ve been doing everything ‘right’, maybe it’s time to try to do things ‘wrong’!? Don’t freak out – I’d never go through with something like that, I’m all talk and no action on that front. Though I did go to Dusty’s Fire hall Casino Night on Saturday and I had a good buzz going – after 3 beer.

Ah, 3 more days – but crossing fingers that it’s actually another 8-ish months…

9DPO – a little scared, as my breasts aren’t sore yet today – but – when I just went for my run, they felt…heavier I guess – I usually don’t notice them when I run, but this time I did. Was also a bit irritable this morning and felt ‘blah’ most of the day –also, when Dusty and I just went shopping, I got a sharp ‘pain’ in my lower left side of my belly (uterus?) that shot down my leg – weird – tiny bit of heartburn and don’t really feel like eating – though I know I have to so I do. Another hot flash at work and just basically warmer during the day than I usually am. Breasts a bit sore when I push on them.

'you have many symptoms of a bun in the oven…’ ??? I says HUH?

Oh, last night Dusty and I went to acupuncture again. I sat with Terry and told him about things that have been going on – the odd hot flash, irritable, waking up sweating, etc. Well, as usual, the head woman of the school comes in and talks to us – Terry telling her all I told him. Well, she too took my pulses, listened, then looked at Terry and said, ‘K, outside to talk’ < they usually do that, though the last time they talked in front of me. A couple minutes later, Terry comes back in and I ask him what he has planned for me tonight. To my shock he says ‘Well, we’re going to go real simple and easy tonight as you have many symptoms of a bun in the oven…’ I says HUH!? Because he never said anything about it before Melissa came in, I’m now wondering if they can read by your pulse, if you’re pregnant or not – course, I didn’t think to ask – I was too excited/scared. I love it when people say that it sounds like I’m pregnant, that way I know it can’t all be in my head. However, it also makes me nervous, as then I think even more about it – which I’m terrified to do, in case AF comes as usual and ruins it all. It’s getting harder and harder to take as the months go on, the depression, the feeling of loss, the hopelessness. I guess the best way to describe it would be fear – for some reason, I’m more scared now, in case it’s another busted month. It’s hard to explain – I guess it’s because when people say stuff like that, it just makes me hope even more, if that’s even possible. And with hope, comes even worse feelings when AF arrives, yet again. I’m hoping and literally praying, on my knees, that it doesn’t show up – I’m doing my best to be positive, but after so long, that can be a hard feat in and of itself.

10DPO – just got back from my run – noticed a couple things: sore at top of left breast - maybe all in my head since I’m hoping they hurt (as a sign) also, felt like I had to pee, even though I went to the bathroom before I left for my run. Breasts are also more sore than they were yesterday though still not nipples & temp is still up – 98.29 this morning. I am getting more and more scared to temp now as I’m worried my temps will drop, indicating my impending period – so far – so good. And, I was getting hot flashes at work like there was no tomorrow. I asked Katy who sits behind me if it was hot in there, but she just said, ‘well, it’s warm..’ And I’m usually a very cold person. Had some ‘pinching’ in my lower belly and super sleepy at work - though, honestly, I get that often hehe

Also, after that acupuncture episode, I googled whatever I could find about an acupuncturist being able to tell by reading your pulse if you’re pregnant. I found something called a ‘slippery pulse’, a term used in Chinese medicine, and it can be found in pregnant women. I’m hoping beyond belief that that is exactly what happened. That when Melissa talked to Terry outside, that she had felt that, and told him and that’s why he said I had many symptoms of a bun in the oven *crossing fingers until they cramp*

Today is day 24 - so close, and so scared! I don’t know why I’m more scared this time!? Maybe because of the acupuncturist saying what he did? Or maybe I feel I’m getting more symptoms that I usually do – like the hot flashes and the irritability? Either way, I know I’m scared to take my temperature in the morning – as only once in the last, say, 6 months, has my period been later than day 25 – and even then, it landed on day 26.

This waiting game sucks, but it’ll be worth it all in the end, especially if this is finally our month – could it be true?

OK, bear with me here. I don’t mean to bore anyone, but there’s something I Want to do. I’m gonna list the ‘symptoms’ I’ve had so far, and see if I can explain them away as my impending period.

3 DPO – sharp shooting pain in my left breast – lasted about 10 – 15 seconds – which then did the same thing in my lower belly, left side - I’ve probably had this before!?

4 DPO – seem to have this ‘pain’ on the side of my upper right breast and into my armpit – hard to describe – almost felt like a muscle ache, though not really - Not too sure if I’ve had this before?

5DPO – same ‘pain’ as above - See above

6DPO – tender breasts (?) – bit of bloating/cramping – some heartburn - Definitely had these before AF arrived

7DPO – fairly tender breasts – not nipples though – not any different from what I usually get every month – about 4 – 6 days before AF arrives. Also, more bloating/cramping & heartburn/gut rot. Just now noticed some low back pain as well – very low back – when I bend over. Temps are remaining high as well – above 98 *crossing fingers that I’ll have the need to test this coming weekend. - Definitely had the sore breasts and bloating/cramping, every month – Have had gut rot, but not necessarily heart burn – And yes as well to the low back pain, pretty much every month

8DPO – tender breasts – again, not nipples – hot flash at work & some heartburn ß definitely not my usual ‘gut rot’ definitely heartburn – and irritable ß can’t seem to stop myself though. Poor Dusty just came home, he could tell right away that something was wrong. So, I let it out. Told him I’m irritated with… life. My job sucks, this trying to get pregnant for so long, and nothing happening, sucks –that I’m just irritated with life. Could it be PMS with my period so close? Could it be that I’m pregnant and having a hormone surge as we speak? Haha I don’t know… - Hot flashes are NOT a normal thing – I’m usually a very cold person – though I did have hot flashes many months ago, soon after we first started trying – irritability, yes and no, mostly just get quiet a couple days before AF

9DPO – a little scared, as my breasts aren’t sore yet today – but – when I just went for my run, they felt…heavier I guess – I usually don’t notice them when I run, but this time I did. Was also a bit irritable this morning and felt ‘blah’ most of the day –also, when Dusty and I just went shopping, I got a sharp ‘pain’ in my lower left side of my belly (uterus?) that shot down my leg – weird – tiny bit of heartburn and don’t really feel like eating – though I know I have to so I do. Another hot flash at work and just basically warmer during the day than I usually am. Breasts a bit sore when I push on them. - I’ve been ‘blah’ before BUT NEVER have I had a shooting pain from my lower belly to my leg – again, no hot flashes either

10DPO – just got back from my run – noticed a couple things: sore at top of left breast ß maybe all in my head since I’m hoping they hurt (as a sign) also, felt like I had to pee, even though I went to the bathroom before I left for my run. Breasts are also more sore than they were yesterday though still not nipples & temp is still up – 98.29 this morning ß I am getting more and more scared to temp now as I’m worried my temps will drop, indicating my impending period – so far – so good. And, I was getting hot flashes at work like there was no tomorrow. I asked Katy who sits behind me if it was hot in there, but she just said, ‘well, it’s warm..’ And I’m usually a very cold person. Had some ‘pinching’ in my lower belly and super sleepy at work - though, honestly, I get that often hehe Never had soreness/heaviness in breasts like today, again, hot flashes, but not for probably about a year

There you have it – ‘symptoms’ I can pass off as PMS and yet, a couple others, that I can not – weird. Not often, if ever, do I get ‘symptoms’ that I can’t put off to PMS – here’s hoping…

Well, D Day has arrived – and I couldn’t be more scared!! When I took my temperature this morning, it was slightly down. For the last week to 10 days it’s been between 98 – 98.3. Today, it was 97.9 - is that enough of a dip to indicate AF? I hope not. It could be that I didn’t get a very good sleep last night – kept waking up – and I think it was because I was actually scared to temp this morning. I want this to happen so bad, that when it comes to the day, I’d rather sleep through it and wake up a day or 6 later, with no period of course.

So far, so good. A slight temp dip, but no period showing as of yet, though it’s only just before 7AM. Again, got down on my knees this morning and prayed…

Also, sitting at 8:20AM I’ve had heartburn for the last hour < which, again, is unusual for me.