Can you say snow? Oh my Gawd, it was snowing, and sticking, the morning of our fertility clinic appointment. Ack – time to move to somewhere tropical!
As waiting for appointments go, it was a doozy. We were there for about 45 minutes to an hour before we got called in - later, I'd realize just how busy Dr H is and it was no wonder we had to wait so long.
We finally get called in, and we meet Dr H. He asked us the basic health questions. He says that from the tests so far, for me, everything seems fine. Though he did mention I have a borderline thyroid. It’s still in the ‘normal’ range, but he’ll want to run more tests in the next couple months, just to be sure. When I asked what that meant, he said that with my thyroid, if it changed a bit for the worse and pushed me over borderline, it could prevent me getting pregnant. It could also cause some issues once I’m pregnant, both for me and the baby. But, aside from that, I seem good to go. As for Dusty, he says, his sperm are a normal count but slightly lower for the motility and morphology.
Now, he wants to do an internal on me, now, am I comfortable doing that? I so was not expecting that, but hey, go for it, do what you have to do, I say. He asked if Dusty could join us, and of course, I said sure. I guess it’s payback for me being in the Urologist appointment with him – with his pants around his ankles and the Dr playing with his balls. Besides, I knew Dusty would be at my head, so he can’t see anything anyway.
Dusty helped me get changed, well, helped me get naked from the waist down, as I laid on the bed, tiny ‘blanket’ covering myself, waiting for the Dr to return.
He comes back into the room and starts doing his thing. Feels my belly, then gets me to ‘scoot’ my bum down – ‘No.... further… OK, a little further…’ we all know the routine. He starts out with the ‘Starship Enterprise’, I like to call it. The same instrument that your local GP will use on you for a PAP Test. Can’t get enough of those, can we ladies? He’s done doing his thing with that… contraption, and goes on to do an ultrasound. Now, since I’ve been pregnant before, I know what an ultrasound is. OOPS, not this kind of ultrasound I don’t. This thing, I swear, Looked like a vibrator, and yes, it even had a condom on it. Yikes, does he realize my husband is sitting in the room with us? Shouldn’t he offer to buy me dinner or something first? Well, he pulls the rest of the ultrasound machine over and inserts the ‘vibrator’. He’s showing me, on the screen, where my uterus is, and my cervix and, oh my Gawd, check that out – it’s my eggs. I can see my own eggs. Too cool. Dr H says everything looks really good – I have plenty of eggs and they’re in good shape, etc. He said that a lot of women actually start having fewer eggs at my age, which in turn could explain my shorter cycle length, compared to last year. Not so with me, turns out, everything is hunky dory.
I clean up and head back to the room we were originally in.
He explains to us that I will have to go to the hospital and have an HSG test done. That’s where they shoot dye ‘up there’ to make sure that nothing is blocked, no blocked tubes or anything. He also tells us that in order to find out more about Dustys sperm, he’ll have to go for another test. A Sperm Functionality Test. This test is done at the clinic – including giving the sample. This time there will be no going home to do it, and drive like a bat out of hell to the clinic. No, no, this one will be… collected at the clinic as well – we’re told they have a special room for that. This isn’t like any other sperm test he’s had done already. This one is done at the clinic and a lot more stuff is checked and re-checked and studied and re-studied. This is the real enchilada of sperm tests – as it should be, with a price tag of $250.00.
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Everyone, but us...
Well - it was my husbands birthday on April 28th - he's finally the same age as me - least for the next couple months :) That day, as he was talking to his step-Dad, he was told that his step brother, Sam, and his wife Suzie, are pregnant and expecting in September. Not only that, but his one and only other step brother, Josh, and his wife Cindy, are also pregnant, and expecting in October. Sam and Suzie were married about this time last year, while Josh and Cindy were married in August of last year. I find myself having feelings of jealousy and anger, instead of the felling of happiness I should have. Do all women feel this way about others getting pregnant - when they've been trying themselves for so long, to no avail? I imagine it's a regular feeling among us, but I still feel guilty for feeling it - though I can't help myself. Again, I find myself wanting to yell 'Do you know how lucky you are?' or 'Do you know how long we've been trying already?' I know I shouldn't be angry, jealous, sure, but not angry. But I find myself struggling with that. I AM happy for them, really I am. It's just that it .. I'm even now struggling with the words to express how I feel about it. I really hope that our day will come, that we'll finally get to announce to the world that we too are pregnant and expecting a precious baby. Sometimes, it feels like that day will never come. Now, I'm not trying to be depressing here or anything, it's just how I feel at this moment - and really, most moments through this struggle.
I am currently in the 2WW, yet again, of month 18 of trying. 18 months <-- I still find that hard to believe. In this amount of time, I could have had 2 babies already. And yes, here we are, no babies and praying harder with each passing day.
HSG test – they suck!
I had an HSG test done on cycle day 9. HSG aka Hysterosalpingogram: 'A hysterosalpingogram is an X-ray of the uterus and fallopian tubes which allows visualization of the inside of the uterus and tubes. The picture will reveal any abnormalities of the uterus as well as tubal problems such as blockage and dilation'. Ok, now they make it sound like a normal x-ray, a normal, quick, lay down on a cold table for seconds on end, type x-ray. Let me be the one to inform you now - that is sooo not how the test is, not even remotely. OMG - let's start off with the fact that it is suggested to you to take Advil or something about an hour before the test, as a means to help keep the cramping/pain to a minimum. <-- Now we're getting to the heart of the matter. Everyone in the room, but you, is covered in lead jackets!? Why the hell is it, that if this test/these rays are so bad for me, and everyone gets lead jackets - am I laying there, half naked with my legs in stirrups!? There's something wrong with this picture. The X-ray machine was above my belly and a 'TV' screen was beside me, so I could see what the Radiologist was seeing. She inserted the speculum (sp?) and then the small tube after that. It was a little cool, seeing my uterus and fallopian tubes, I have to admit. Wow, my husband has now seen bits of me, that no husband has seen before (and thankfully so, I imagine!?). When she pushed the dye up there, it went just fine through one of the tubes. The other tube however, required some extra pushing, but finally it too, went through - a clean bill of health for me - tubes are cleared - lets get me pregnant!! She started to remove the tube (which has a 'bulb' at the end that she had blown up), but it turns out the tube wasn't quite deflated and OH MY GOD, you've never felt pain like that before. Brought tears to my eyes. Test done - YAY.
I was cramping so bad after the test that it took us about 5 minutes to walk down the hall to get outside, when that walk should only have taken about 30 seconds. I could hardly move - Dusty had to help me sit down and then go get the car and drive it to me. Ladies, if at all possible, I hope you don't have to go through that test. You know it's bad when Dusty and I couldn't even have sex for a couple days because of the cramps from that very test.
Only fertile in the front seat of a car?
OK, now I have to tell you a funny story. On cycle day 11 I used an OPK and got a second line, though the line wasn't quite as dark as the control line. Oh wait, I should start out by telling you, that in order to shake things up a bit, my husband and I had sex that morning <-- we usually only have sex at night, before bed. And considering it was Saturday, and we haven’t had sex since Wednesday evening, I figured it was a good... load (sorry, TMI) Anyways, we went about our day, nothing unusual. Well, since it never happens that I ovulate on a weekend, when we can have sex in the morning, we went for it again Sunday morning. Afterward, we went back to sleep, considering it was only 6AM on a Sunday. Well, a few hours later, we head out to shop for my daughters Birthday. I was super horny (sorry again, TMI) and informed Dusty of this fact. At about the same time I was thinking to myself.. self.. where was Mariah conceived? The answer to that would be: in the front seat of a car - come on, I was a teenager, not many other places to have sex. Again, being as desperate as we are, my next thought was: 'What if I'm only fertile in the front seat of a car?' Stop laughing, it could happen - couldn't it? Anyways, long story short, I told Dusty that we had to do the deed in the car - hurry up and take me somewhere. Well, he did, and yes, we did. Now, you may not believe this, but this was my husbands first time doing the deed in any car. I found it hard to believe myself, but it's true. He is now officially, no longer a car virgin hahaha But you should have seen him - he was paranoid about getting caught <-- you had to be there (but thank Gawd you weren't), it was funny. Could you imagine if we would have gotten caught with our pants down? I told Dusty, once the cops realized how old we are and that we've been trying to conceive for so long - they'd probably cheer us on.
So - according to my fertilityfriend.com chart, I actually ovulated on cycle day 13, and that makes me at 3DPO today. Obviously I don’t have any symptoms or anything - I wish it were that cut and dry! Thought yesterday, on and off for a couple hours, I had pretty painful twinges in the lower left area of my belly!? Not sure what that means, but this early, it has nothing to do with pregnancy, so, whatever.
Ah, another 2WW to go through. I keep telling Dusty that this is our month. 2 things put it more on our side, compared to any other months. One, I had the HSG test and my tubes are now cleared and ready for action. And, two, we had sex in the front seat of a car <-- so obviously my most fertile place, no? :) It would be funny though, if this is our month. We wouldn’t know what to attribute it to: luck, our time, HSG or car sex. Oh for the hoping and praying begins yet again <-- and boy do I have that down to a fine art.
I know, that once I do get pregnant, I am going to be one paranoid woman! It would have taken so long to get there, that I'll be asking the Dr to put me on bed rest from day 1, just to be sure nothing bad happens. haha And Dusty, man, I think he'll might beat me in the paranoid department. I know him well enough to know that - but it'll be cute. It'll be nice to have a man so worried about me and the baby. When I was pregnant with my daughter, her Dad didn’t seem to care one bit. Out with the old, in with the new! :)
Symptoms, again
10 DPO and no signs of AF - chalk one up for the good guys. 2 months ago my LP was 10 days - last month - 14 days. This month - hopefully about 9 months! :) Again, it being 10 DPO and cycle day 23, I'm nervous and getting into the usual pattern of self doubt. I try to remain positive, until proven otherwise, but after so long, it's a feat in and of itself. Think positive, they all say. I try, oh how I try.
I had a temperature dip at 5DPO - it went from 98.5 to 98.0 - quite the drop for this time of the month. Could that be the famous implantation dip? They say that that usually happens around 7 - 10 DPO - but have heard stories of it happening earlier. I hope that is the case with me. Since the dip, my temperatures have risen all the way to 98.7 on 8DPO and have gone no lower than 98.5. Now, 98.5 is the highest they've ever been and even then, I only got that temperature once last month. I'm hoping that too is a sign - though I'm sure it could be explained away as being warmer in the bedroom or something. The day of the dip, I also started getting sore boobies - again, yes, I can explain those away as my usual symptom of.. nothing. 7DPO I was also super dizzy after going for my walk/jog which is very unusual for me too, but, could also be from any number of things: needing to eat, too warm in the workout room, etc. 8DPO - oh what symptom did we have that day!? That's right, a stuffy nose on and off throughout the night and have noticed I'm getting many zits along my jaw line <-- I don’t usually get zits, let alone this many. Also, this is the day that my temp spiked to 98.7 <-- never once in the 3-ish months of charting have I had a temperature that high. Dusty told me the next morning that I was so hot that he was considering going to sleep on the couch. 9 and 10 DPO - seems I can't sleep through the night anymore. Not too sure what's going on there, but it's definitely NOT a normal thing for me. Even if I have just a sip of water before going to bed, I've been waking up at 4 - 4:30AM. I kind of feel like i have to pee - but it shouldn’t have been enough to wake me up.
This morning, 10 DPO - my temp was 98.5 <-- still high, but wish it would continue to get higher and not get slowly lower like it is. Since I don’t have any 'symptoms' yet - I'm losing hope. Though to gain a little hope back, I google 'Pregnant & no symptoms' just so I can read about all the women out there who never had any symptoms and still turned out to be pregnant.
Oh yeah, a couple days ago I felt these weird.. twinges in my lower belly, on the left side. I know it sounds funny, but it felt like someone stuck their finger in my belly button, to cause that .. weird feeling, not a cramp, not a pain, more like a little electrical shock. I had those feelings for most of the night. As well, on Monday I think it was, Dusty and I were watching a show on TV and at the end of it they showed a baby in a playpen and that was it, I lost it. Made me cry - made me 'hurt' for our own baby. Dusty and I laid in bed afterwards and talked about it - I couldn’t stop crying.
Is it game over for this month?
11DPO - looks like it's game over, AGAIN, for this month. I woke up at 4:30 AM again (starting to really tick me off) and took my temp. 97.9 - only 0.2 less and it's my cover line temp. I climbed back into bed, but couldn't for the life of me get back to sleep - probably too upset with the results of my temperature taking. Still no AF - but come on, it's early, the bitch is surely on her way. 18 months - 18!! You'd think that something would happen by now - even if Dustys sperm are not quite up to par. I mean, come on, only one of the millions has to make it to the egg. I've put my head right down to his... boys, and told them to not be shy and just ask for directions. You'd think that at least one of them would listen!? Stubborn bastards!
I cried when I saw Dusty come downstairs this morning. As of last time I checked, AF had still not arrived, but I'm 99% sure she's on her way. He feels so bad...... he doesn’t know what to say or do. But, after I had a good cry, I just stopped and actually got angry instead. I'm not sad, I'm angry. We've been doing everything right: no drinking, no excessive exercise in the 2WW, had my tubes blown out and I know we timed the baby dance right in my fertile time. So why isn't this working? Dusty said that at least we have the appointment with the fertility clinic again on Monday, to which I replied 'I don't care if I go'. I'm not trying to be all dramatic, but honestly, I'm tired of Drs saying 'You should be getting pregnant, I don’t know why you're not!?'. Sooo tired of hearing that - I don’t need to hear it again! I might lose it and scream 'SHUT THE FUCK UP - YES, I should be getting pregnant, that's why we're here to see you - do something - tell us something we don't know for once!!'
It’s been 8 hours since I first took my temp (97.9) and still no sign of AF < I THINK that’s unusual for me, I think once I get the drop, that she comes within an hour or 2 after waking up!? Hell, last month my temp was 98.0 (cover line being 97.5) and still got my damn period that day – within 2 hours of taking the temp.
I was having odd twinges beside my belly button last night when I was jogging, only jogging, not when I was walking. They’d only last 5 – 15 seconds then just go away – and they didn’t hurt. Well, since I’ve been awake today I’ve pretty much had them the entire time – whether sitting, standing, walking, it doesn’t seem to matter. Also, I have major low back ache – like my AF is here and have also had a couple AF type cramps. So much so that I was scared to go to the bathroom for fear of what I would find. I don’t EVER get the low back aches (like this) or the AF type cramps, without AF already being here.
I’ve spent most of my day googling anything about a temp drop at 11DPO and still ended up pregnant. Seems it can happen, but, with my lack of luck, I imagine she’ll be here today, tomorrow at the latest. Try as I might, I can’t help but think the worst. I have the last 18 months working against me.
I have a feeling that when the bitch does arrive that I’ll be angry this time – not sure what’s different about this month, but I feel anger coming on. I’ll have to keep Dusty in mind when I’m going through those emotions, I don’t want him to feel guilty or anything, nor do I want to make him mad as well – one of us being mad in a household is enough, thanks!
I’m just so tired of the whole fight. When does it come time to just sit down and come to the conclusion that it’s just not meant to be, to give up and move on with our lives? I know this is hard on Dusty, I won’t deny him that. But, I also know that it’s even harder for me. After all, it’s me who has to pretend to be pregnant, it’s me who ends up with the period – after so much hoping. I’m, personally, almost to the point of saying ‘K, for just one month, we’re not having ANY sex at my fertile time, none. I would like just one month in the last 18 months, to not have the hope, to not be praying with all my might, for it all to end in pain.’ Least I would have no expectations that way. But then there’s the flip side of that, and I’m sure I’d be thinking.. ‘What if this was our month, and I just blew it?’ It’s a never ending cycle.. a never-ending, painful cycle.
Always have hope...
12 DPO - Just goes to show you not to give up too soon I guess. I made it through yesterday with no visit from the bitch, and today, still so far so good. My temp went up again this morning, but only to 98.0. Still, I'll take anything I can get. It's better than it going down even further and getting my period.
I'm going to find my papers for my thermometer today and check to see how long it's supposed to go before it beeps. I'm pretty sure it's 2 minutes, and for some reason it hasn’t felt like that long lately - maybe it needs a new battery or something!?
A couple times already today I've felt very 'wet' down there, only to run to the bathroom and have it turn out to be nothing - weird indeed.
It really does take your breath away
Have you ever had something happen - that just took your breath away? Whether good or bad!? Well, that's a good way to describe what happens when you get your period, each and every month, after trying for so long. You get your period and it takes your breath away - knocks the wind out of you. I find when I first get it, I'm in a state of shock, almost confused. Then, as soon as that passes, comes the wind being knocked out of me. The 'Why me Gods', soon to follow. That's right ladies and gentlemen, 12 DPO and the wind has officially been knocked out of me, yet again. I actually look up into the sky and ask God, 'Why? Why me? We want this to happen so bad - what have we done wrong to deserve this?' So many thoughts run through my head that it's hard to keep up with them. I blame myself, never Dusty. I blame things that I've done in the 2 week wait, or things I haven’t done - even though I don’t know what they could be. They start to turn into stupid things like: maybe my baths are too hot.. maybe I should have stopped working out all together.. I didn’t pray hard enough.. the 1 cup of coffee a day is the reason. The list goes on and on, never ending. When you know you're doing everything right - timing the baby dance right, I'm ovulating, I just had my tubes blown out, we don't drink, etc Maybe, like I've said before, we need to start doing things wrong. Maybe I should be drinking, smoking pot, running marathons - I mean seriously, doing things right isn't working - what else can we do? Such a sad day it has turned into...................... Couple more weeks and we're into month 19 of trying.....
I don't even want to talk about it............
I love him more today...
I'm not too sure what was different about this month, but man, did I cry. I did my usually cry right after I find out I have my period. I was fine, good to go. We had a work party of mine to go to, and we did. I was good. Since I got my period, I had a few beer and chatted and had a good time. But on the way home, 3 hours later, I started crying again. Even as I was doing it I couldn’t explain it. So when we got back home, Dusty and I talked in the car for a little bit. I told him it's like I've had about 20 miscarriages in the last 18 months - because that's what it feels like. We're told to 'act' pregnant, until we know differently, so I do. Which in turn leads to me feeling as if I've had yet another miscarriage.
Ok, so I felt a bit better and we went in the house. We're all laying around watching a movie, when it started, yet again. Mariah and Dusty had both fallen asleep, so neither noticed, which was a good thing. I really was trying to stop, it just wasn't working. So finally, at about 2AM, I snuck upstairs to climb into bed. Normally I'd wake up Dusty and bring him with me, but I knew I was going to continue to cry, and I didn’t want him to feel guilty for how I was feeling. Oh my God, I cried, I full on cried. Full on, chin quivering, gasping for breath, loud, crying. In my head I was saying 'Dusty, I need you now', when all of a sudden he came up the stairs and climbed into bed with me. He just held me, again, and let the tears run down. I was to the point of hyperventilating, it was that bad.
Now, I should back up a second and let you know that when Dusty and I were chatting in the car, I told him I'm almost to the point of giving up - having absolutely no sex in my fertile time, just so I wont have this happen again next month - the disappointment, the hopelessness, the pure heart wrenching sadness. So, when I was full on hyperventilating/crying, that's when Dusty leans in and said 'You're right, maybe we should stop trying/give up, if it's going to do this to you every month, I can't take it, I don’t want you going through this again, this is brutal'.
That, my friends, is what true love is really about. My husband wants a baby sooooo bad - I can't even explain how bad he wants one - and he's willing to give it up, give up the whole dream, just so I don’t have to go through the pain of it not happening. I honestly couldn't have loved him more than I did at that moment. He's willing to give up something he's wanted so bad he can taste it, just for me, to see me happy again, to have me not cry again.
That fact alone, just him saying that and willing to give it all up - gives me just a little more, much needed, hope. If he's willing to do that for me, then I'm willing to continue to go through this pain each and every month until I can make his dream of being a Daddy, come true.
Mothers Day, without a positive test...
Today is Mothers Day - the day that I was going to take a pregnancy test - thinking that would be THE BEST present I could get myself and my Mom - a positive pregnancy test. I think that's what makes it hurt more - I thought that would be the best gift ever to give my Mom - to have a pregnancy test wrapped up and her open it on Mothers Day. Well, that present isn't going to happen, and just thinking about it makes me sad and teary eyed. I'm hoping I don’t cry when I see my Mom today, as I don’t want to wreck Mothers Day or anything, but I almost do feel it coming on. For once, when I'm going through this pain, I want my Mom to be able to wrap her arms around me - instead of just hearing her voice on the other end of the line. See, CRAP, I'm crying now.
Why am I crying so much this month?
Mother Day came and went - I was a bit emotional, but mostly held it in check. Told Mom what I wanted to give her - the pregnancy test - and got a little emotional, though not too, too bad. I so love my Mom. When I told her what I wanted to give her, she just rubbed my back and said 'Oh honey, I'm so sorry, this really sucks'. Even when I told her about Dustys step brothers both expecting in the next few months, not once did she say something like 'Oh, isn’t that nice...' No, instead she said.. 'Oh, ouch, I'm sorry' What is it about mothers that they know just what to say at the right moment?
Back to the clinic
The day after Mothers Day was the day we were heading back to the Fertility Clinic. I had some mixed feelings about even going. I'm really tired of hearing 'I don’t know why you're not pregnant'. Well, Dr H told me that all my tests were normal, both the HSG and the blood/hormone tests. Though I do find it odd that when i had the HSG test done, that my tubes were blocked, but yet on the results my Dr got, it said nothing about that, they said everything was fine. I was pretty sure that the radiologist said they were actually blocked with something - but when I explained that to Dr Hudson, he said that they were probably just 'contracting' and the dye was enough to open them!? What do I know!?
He went on to say that Dustys test wasn't as bad as he thought it was going to be. Seems there was a bit of an issue with the motility this time. Though with this last $250 test he did, they also do something called, washing the sperm. This is something that they would do should we go for IUI or IVF. Turns out that after they were washed, there was about 23 million good ones. That number sounds good to me - all I'm asking for is 1 out of 23 million - you'd think the odds are good!?
The Dr talked to us about the options we have. Keep trying on our own, IUI or IVF. Now, for those of you not in 'the know'
~ IUI - Intrauterine Insemination - Basically they introduce the sperm where it needs to be, where the egg is waiting. That means that the damn sperm no longer have to ask for directions, they just have to get to work.
~ IVF - In Vitro Fertilization - This is where they take an egg and mix it with your partners sperm, in a dish, and once they've combined, they put this combination back in the woman.
IUI is about $1000, fertility drugs included - while IVF is around $7000 - $8000. OUCH!
His final recommendation is to keep trying on our own for 2 more months. Especially since there's a better chance of conceiving after the HSG test. He did ask if I wanted to try fertility drugs at the same time, to which I replied 'Sign me up!!' It just so happens that he wanted me to try Clomid, which is to be started on cycle day 3 - 7. Luckily for me - I was on cycle day 3 as I was sitting there. So, he wrote out the prescription, warned us about the side effects and asked that we sign some papers about the chances of conceiving multiples.
OK, so here are the symptoms you can go through if taking Clomid:
~ Sensitive/Tender Breasts
~ Headaches/Migraines
~ Hot Flashes/Night Sweats
~ Bloating
~ Mood Swings/Weepiness
Now don't those sound like heaps of fun? I'm currently on day 3 of taking them, 2 more to go. So far, no real isde effects for me. I had a wee headache the first day and this morning I woke up sweaty. If those are the only symptoms I'm going to get - ROCK ON! :)
And yes, being a fertility drug - it gives you a higher chance of conceiving twins/multiples. That thought alone is enough to terrify any woman, but in the end, it's all worth it. We're almost onto 19 months of trying, and are so ready for it to finally happen.
Clomid is mostly given to women who don't ovulate on their own. It's stimulates ovulation. Well, because I ovulate on my own, I asked the Dr what Clomid will do for me. He then explained that it can make for a more mature egg to be released and it can lead to more than one egg, as well.
So, there you have it. The skinny on what's going on in our journey right now. 2 more days of Clomid, wait 3 days then start using the OPK's again, to pinpoint ovulation so we can then head into the 2 WW, again. Dr H also suggested that we abstain from having sex for a couple days, until closer to ovulation time. That wont be hard to do, IF Clomid doesn’t change my typical ovulation date. I usually ovulate around day 12 or 13, but if Clomid changes that, how are we to tell when to start doing the baby dance? I'd so hate to miss it - after all this.
*crossing fingers*
The twin maker??
Alright, it's official, I ovulated yesterday and I'm into yet another 2WW. The 2 WW is always killer, but good to know that I ovulated - was a bit nervous in case the Clomid messed up my cycle.
The Clomid didn’t give me too many side effects. A day or two I felt.. blah, and one day I felt like I had the emotional stability of a newborn <-- but I fore-warned Dusty, so we were good to go. :)
Ah the 2WW.. how I loathe thee.... this 2 week time frame is enough to drive a girl batty. Come on symptoms - bring em on!
My best friend, Tanya, is now calling me The Twin Maker. She (and Dusty) are convinced that I'm going to get pregnant with twins. Tanyas horoscope the other day said something about twins and things coming into the world in pairs. A good sign indeed, though I keep telling her, it was her horoscope, not mine. She doesn’t think that matters, a sign is still a sign. Then, she called me the next day and said that her son, Brenn, had come home and said that twins were going to start going to his school. Yes, again, Tanya thought that was another sign, for me. She makes me laugh - her and her signs. But you know what? I'll take all I can get. Just one week left and it's month 19 of trying. That would be 20-something periods I've gone through on this battle - enough already - let's bring on the babies!
I guess they're more convinced as well, because years and years ago, I saw a palm reader. This woman looked at me, about half way through my reading, and said 'Do you have twins?' When I replied, no, she then said 'Well, congrats, next time you get pregnant, you're having twins'. That, combined with the fertility drugs I'm currently on, is enough to give Tanya and Dusty sure signs that it is about to happen.
As much as the thought of twins scares the crap out of me, I know we could do it, and be fantastic parents to them. But, in all honesty, I'd prefer just one baby at a time. When I would visit my friend, who had just had twins, I would leave her house telling her how much of a hero she was. Man, just hanging out for an hour and I was drained - and almost enough to make me cross my legs hahaha
1 DPO.......... and counting........
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