IUI Info

Clomid again – last time

Month 19 - cycle day 6: Just a day like any other. I'm taking Clomid again this cycle, currently have today, and tomorrow to take them, then I'll be done. This is our last shot at this drug. After this month, it's been 3 months since the HSG test and 2 months on Clomid - time to move on.

It's been such a long journey.. in this amount of time, we could have had 2 babies by now - sad, but true. I'm sure the whole experience is making us stronger - as every tough obstacle does - but, sometimes it's hard to see that strength. Sometimes all you see is hopelessness.

I'm going to book an appointment with the fertility clinic again, for about July 2nd. I'll be cycle day 27 by then. I'll either have my period, or I'm pregnant, either way, we'll know by that day. PLEASE GOD let it be that I'm pregnant by then. After this month, after going back to the fertility clinic - we're moving on to doing IUI's. Which, in turn, means that we'll be dipping into our honeymoon fund to try to have a baby - who would have thought!? I know it'll all be worth it in the end - of that I have no doubt. But man, could I use a holiday hahaha Was telling Dusty that we're GOING to get pregnant THIS month - then go ahead and book our honeymoon < wishful thinking on my part? Could be...... But we're told to think positive, and I'm positive I'm done with this fight and am fully ready to get pregnant. Bring on the morning sickness (if I must hehe), the frequent peeing and the headaches, bloating, cramps - just bring it all on - I dare ya!

I'm not entirely sure how much it will cost us in total for one round of IUI. I could have sworn that Dr H said something about it being about $1000. But, does that include the cost of the drugs as well? I sure hope so............

IUI info

I was checking out the fertility clinics website just now, and, for those of you who want to know, here's what happens when a woman gets an IUI done:
*Warning - this is a bit long, as it explains it all, including successes and costs of the drugs - skip by if you don't want to read about it*

Intrauterine Insemination is a fertility enhancing procedure in which sperm are washed, concentrated, and injected directly into a woman’s uterus through the vagina. During natural intercourse, only a fraction of the sperm make it up the woman’s genital tract. Intrauterine insemination increases the number of sperm in the uterus and fallopian tubes – where fertilization takes place. Intrauterine insemination is most successful when it is used along with certain fertility drugs to enhance ovulation. There are a number of different fertility drugs that are available. Some of these drugs can be taken orally – others need to be given by injection. The costs of these drugs, success rates and side effects are very variable and specific. This technique is often called controlled ovarian hyperstimulation and IUI (COH/IUI) or superovulation/IUI.
Candidates:
Superovulation and IUI is often recommended for couples with no known cause of infertility who have been trying to have a baby for at least a year. It may be considered sooner than a year in an older woman. You should have thorough infertility investigations before trying this procedure. Under normal circumstances, IUI uses sperm from your male partner. If you do not have a partner, or if your partner has very poor quality sperm, then therapeutic donor insemination using screened sperm samples from anonymous donors would be considered.
Male partner requirements:
Studies suggest that IUI will not be effective in cases where the male has low sperm counts or poor sperm quality. Therefore, before proceeding with this process, sperm tests need to show reasonable sperm function.
Female partner requirements:
Tests will need to be done to confirm regular ovulation, normal uterine cavity, patent fallopian tubes, and normal hormone levels. In certain circumstances, if history and examination suggest possible pelvic pathology, a laparoscopy might be recommended. Laparoscopy is an operative procedure done under general anesthetic. This involves putting a small telescope through the belly-button to further evaluate the pelvic organs (uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries).
Success rates:
The success rates of superovulation with intrauterine insemination depend on a number of factors. Maternal age and the quality of the male partner sperm count are the most important.
Risks of superovulation/IUI:
Infection
The fertility drugs that are used to stimulate the ovaries increase the risk of multiple pregnancy and ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome
Procedures:
Drug treatment. There are a number of different fertility enhancing drugs (ovulation induction agents) available. They may be used alone or in combination with each other. The most commonly used drugs are Clomiphene pills or gonadotropin injections. Clomiphene pills are given usually for five days, starting on the third day of the cycle. Gonadotropin injections are considerably more expensive, though also more successful, and are usually given on a daily basis, starting at around Day 3 to 5 of your cycle.
Monitoring treatment. This is done to measure the growth of the follicles, individualize drug doses and prevent serious side effects. Normally speaking an ultrasound will be done in the office on either the first, second or third day of your period, before you start the treatment. This will allow evaluation of your ovaries before they are stimulated. The days of your cycle are always counted using the first day of your period as Day 1. After the baseline ultrasound, you will start using the fertility drugs prescribed. On approximately Day10 - 12, you will be asked to return to the office for another ultrasound. The eggs grow on the ovaries in capsules of fluid called follicles. These are easily monitored by ultrasound. Ultrasound is done to determine the number and size of the follicles developing.

Depending on the ultrasound result, you may be asked to have a blood test to check estrogen levels. The dosage of your drugs may be adjusted depending on the response. The usual aim for this process is to generate three to five mature follicles. Depending on what drugs are used, an egg is normally mature once the follicle reaches a size of 17 mm.
3. After Day 9 or 10 you may be asked to monitor your urine daily using an ovulation predictor kit called ClearPlan. Occasionally the brain will trigger ovulation before all the follicles are ready. We need to be aware of this.
4. When enough follicles have reached their target size, you will be given an injection of a hormone to induce ovulation. This drug is called Profasi or Pregnyl.
5. Ovulation will occur 24-36 hours after the ovulation inducing injection. On that day, your partner will be asked to produce a specimen of semen by masturbation into a sterile container. It is preferable if the semen sample is produced on site at VFC.This fresh semen will then be washed and concentrated, a process which takes approximately one to two hours. Using a fine catheter, the sperm concentrate will then be injected through the cervix into the uterus. The procedure is fairly painless, though on occasion may cause some mild to moderate discomfort. After the insemination you will be asked to lie quietly in the office for 5-10 minutes. You will then be able to resume routine regular activities, though will be encouraged to avoid excessive exercise, swimming or bathing for a couple of days.
6. If you do not get your period 14 days after the insemination, a pregnancy test should be done. An ultrasound will then need to be done, approximately 4-5 weeks after the insemination.
Drug Costs:
1. Letrozole. The cost is about $40.00 for a cycle.
2. Clomiphene. The cost of a cycle of Clomiphene is approximately $80.00.
3. Drug to trigger ovulation. The drug that is used to induce ovulation contains a hormone called HCG. The two available commercial preparations that are used to achieve this are called Profasi or Pregnyl. The cost is about $85.00.
4. Gonadotropin costs.(Gonal F,Puregon,Repronex) Gonadotropins are drugs that are used to directly stimulate the ovaries. They need to be given by injection on a daily basis. They are expensive, and the total cost of a cycle would depend on the number of ampoules required. On average, the drug costs will be anywhere between $500.00 and $1500.00 per cycle.
5. The costs of sperm washing. This covers a presperm count and assessment, the sperm wash itself, post wash count and assessment, the preparation of the sperm for insemination and the intrauterine catheter. Please refer to the VFC fee schedule.
Comment on success rates with superovulation and IUI
Success rates are contingent upon the procedure being performed:
1. For the correct indications.
2. Avoiding doing this when contraindications exist (such as blocked tubes, poor sperm quality).
3. Whether the woman is ovulating normally on her own.
4. The age of the woman.
An approximation of the pregnancy rates per cycle of superovulation/IUI performed for the correct indications are as follows:
1. 20% for women under the age of 30.
2. 15 % - 18% for women aged between 30 and 35.
3. 10 - 15% for women aged 35 to 39.
4. 5 - 10% for women over the age of 40.

However, the projected success rates really need to be individualized. It does depend largely on age and the choice of medication. Using gonadotropins improves pregnancy rates over using an oral agent like clomiphene. For instance, in the couple under the age of 30 with normal sperm parameters and using gonadotropins to stimulate ovulation, the success rate may be as high as 25% per cycle. At the other extreme, in the woman who is over 40, using only Clomiphene to stimulate the ovaries, the success rate for ovulation induction with Clomiphene and IUI would only be about 2 – 5 % per cycle.

I never knew the lengths

How was that for a little light reading for you? Doesn't that sound like the best way ever to get pregnant? In a clinic, legs in stirrups, your partners masterbated sample beside you, to all be done by a Dr and maybe a nurse or two!? Oh, the romantics in all of us are feeling warm and fuzzy now, aren't we? :)
See, I never knew the lengths I'd go in order to conceive. And I guess no one knows, not until they're in this position. Like I said a while back, I always thought that women who had issues getting pregnant, maybe weren't meant to have any!? I don't quite think like that anymore. Now, on the other hand, I'd do damn near anything, for it to finally happen.

I'm keeping positive and saying that this is our lucky month - 2nd round of Clomid is all we need. BAM - beginning of July, we'll find out I'm pregnant and then we can move into the truly frightening part of this whole ordeal. The pregnancy itself.

I don't know what's going on in the world these days, but man, there are a lot of women conceiving and then proceeding to lose the baby. I know that about 40 - 50% of all pregnancies, end in miscarriage. A lot of the time, most women will never even know they were pregnant in the first place, before this happens. But, with the technology the way it is, we can now test for pregnancy WAY earlier than we used to. In fact, now you can find out before you even miss a period. I guess that's both a blessing and a curse. A blessing for those women out there who might have issues and need to find out right away and get any help they may need. A curse, for everyone else. Yes you find out earlier that you're pregnant, but I know myself, personally, I wouldn't want to see a positive pregnancy test, and a few days later find out I miscarried. Thanks, I'd rather remain ignorant of the fact. Although, again, even though I just said that, if I were to find out I was pregnant, and then lost it, it would also be more documentation/ammunition to bring to your Dr later. That may be something they need to look into it. Damned if you do, and damned if you don't............ isn't that always the way!?

Oh yeah, at the end of my last cycle, I was playing around with my 'Healing With The Angels - Oracle Cards'. Ok, so when I 'play' with them, I just shuffle until a card falls out - then I read that card. Well, on that day, I decided I wanted to wait for 3 cards to fall before I read them. And no, I don't try to get them to fall out - I just shuffle normally....
Anyways, 3 cards fell out, and I'd like to tell you about them. <-- Shits and giggles right, keeps a girl entertained....

First card: Healing: A situation that has caused you concern is on the mend. You are a natural healer, and your healing thoughts have manifested into form. Sometimes a situation cannot heal until you release the challenge completely - so that healing light can enter it. Your worries will soon be over, because this card signifies that a healing has occurred. To realize this healing, however, you must first stop focusing on "What is wrong" and instead affirm "Everything is in Divine and perfect order right now".
You have natural healing abilities, and this card asks you to have faith that God works through you as an Earth healing angel. Hold thoughts of love around any situation that seems to need healing. Visualize the situation as healed right now. Then, give thanks to God for this healing, and completely release everything to the angels. The powerful effects of your healing work touch many lives.

Second Card: Divine Timing: Pay attention to doors that are opening and shutting for you right now. Walk through doors that are open, and learn from the doors that shut. Your prayers are being answered; there is no doubt about that. However, everything operates according to the Universal Laws of Divine Timing. This means that certain pieces of the puzzle must first fall into place so other parts can come to fruition. If you try to skip or rush certain pieces or parts, the whole plan will lack a solid foundation. Don't try to force open any doors that appear closed to you. Instead, ask your angels for guidance to see if the door closed because of negative expectations, or if it's simply a sign of Divine Timing. Look for other doors that do open, and walk through them with faith and gratitude.

Third Card: Children: (Not a word of a lie - hehe) You are asked to pay extra attention to your children or your inner child right now. New children may be coming into your life very soon. *Then it goes on to say to play with your inner child, etc*

So - how do you like them apples? Sounds promising, right? OK, a little pathetic, but, really, I don't care, I'll take what I can get.
PS - 2nd round of Clomid and having the emotional stability of a newborn already............. oh, it's a good thing this is our last month on these, or I might see divorce papers in front of me before too long <-- haha Kidding, it's not that bad! And I do warn poor Dusty when I'm feeling that way. It's weird, it just happens, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Try as you might, as you're getting mad at the stupidest things, you know you're being irrational, but, you can't stop yourself. I don't much care for that, I don't really feel in control. Like I said, last month, this is our month, finally, right? :)
Alright, I just called the Fertility Clinic and we have another appointment for July 4th @ 3:45PM. I was hoping for the 2nd, but it was a no go, as the Dr is in the OR then. Hopefully the 4th will be fine too - cycle day 29 (although, if I'm not pregnant, it'll be more like cycle day 2-ish.)
This is our month?

Cycle day 15 & 3 DPO. Though I must admit.. I don't fully agree with Fertility Friend this month. They put me as ovulating on CD 12, but I don't think I ovulated until CD 14. I had a VERY positive OPK test on the 12th, but I also had faint lines on both the 13th and 14th as well. Combine that with the fact that on the 13th - my temp only went up by 0.2.. where-as today, it went up by 0.6 - I'd say it was yesterday that I ovulated. I've heard that as the days go by that FF will change your setting, if it figures it was wrong the first time, so I guess time will tell.
Now, even though I think I ovulated 2 days later than I normally do - this is probably a good sign. The extra couple days probably made for a more mature egg and/or more than one egg. *Crossing fingers*
So today - I'm either 3DPO, or (according to my own predictions) 1DPO. Either way, we're into the 2WW............... this is our month ladies and gentlemen.. I can feel it coming!

Trying, with Christina

6DPO - one day before my 33rd Birthday < ACK - where did the time go?
I was told right, FF did adjust my chart, just the other day. I am now currently 6DPO - instead of the 8DPO they originally thought. To me, I'm taking that as a GREAT sign. A more mature egg and or maybe more than 1!? Here's hoping...
I went for coffee with a friend, Christina, 3 - 4 days ago. She's also in the process of trying to conceive, though in the early stages (I think they just past their 4th month of trying). Anyways, that coffee (though I had green tea haha) was THE BEST! Number one, I haven't gone for coffee with anyone in quite some time. And two, because she is also in the process of TTC, I could talk about it freely, as much as I wanted and she was even asking me for advice. I can't, accurately, tell you how that felt, but it was GREAT. Great to finally talk to someone, who is also going through it. I felt absolutely no guilt talking about it and proud/happy that I could offer some advice (when asked). I didn't know that talking about it with someone who was also going through it, could be like that. I know, you're probably thinking.. 'what a loon, get a life...' But seriously, when you're down.. or just want to talk - find someone in the same situation - it'll be one of the most freeing talks of your TTC journey.

I guess now would be a good time to add what she had to say about reading my journal:

"You will fight this and you will beat it!!!!! I am certain of it. There are so many people now praying for you guys that it has to work. I am really hoping that if the fertility drugs alone don't do it, then at least the IUI will work. If that doesn't do it, then we are going to organize a fundraiser for the two of you to afford the blinking treatments of IVF (and lots of them!!!).

Feel free to bitch and vent to me any time. Any time, any day, anywhere. So if you call me and say I want to go to DQ and vent, I will be there!!!!!
You are such a strong person. Your book doesn't even start to convey how strong you are, and how well you deal with it all and keep your chin up. You should really have someone else give an intro to the book to describe what a wonderful person your are (and Dusty obviously as well). To only "read" about your heartbreak each month doesn't do you justice, because you pick yourself up and continue living life. It doesn't give the accurate picture how strong, smart and resourceful you are (oh, and cute too and a little evil bootcamp instructor!) You don't seek sympathy and you don't even whine. You are absolutely amazing!!!!"

I am amazing - repeat after me... Shawna is amazing.... LOL I'm kidding, that's how she sees me, that's not necessarily how I see me. I don't think I'm amazing, I think I'm a normal person, being faced with a seriously shitty situation. I do the best I can with what I have. Though I must say - I do have alot. I have my husband and my daughter - both of whom I'd never make it through without. I have a loving and strong family, who stand beside me, no matter what. And, I have friends. All my friends have now been put through the torture of reading this 'journal/book'. Ah.. torture.. not the right word. More like.. lesson. My friends love me and stand by me, but I just wanted them to be included in this part of my life as well. I wanted them to understand why, some days, I might not be the happiest person around. Why, on some days, I might just break down and cry - but can't get the words out to explain why. Why some days I have so much hope, yet others, there's no hope to be found. My husband, my daughter, my family and my friends - are standing by me, letting me lean on them when I need to lean. To cry on their shoulder when I need to let it all out. And, more importantly. they're just .... there for me. I couldn't ask for more than that! Most women/couples going through this struggle, don't have even close to what I have, and that makes me sad beyond belief.
I actually sent this to one of my clients/friends, Kathe, last week. The main reason I sent it to her, was because her son and daughter in law might have to go through some of the same.... struggles. I just wanted her to keep an open heart, learn what it's like, and just to be there for them. Well, another lesson learned I guess.... here's what she had to say:
"I really had no idea when you first told me about TTC, I was TITD (totally in the dark) that you had been going through so much for such a long time. You are brave and I'm sorry that it's been so hard. It doesn't seem fair and my heart hurts for you. I just read your journal this morning, and I'm really sad for you and Dusty. I hope that one of these procedures will help to bring about your dreams. Good for you for writing. Love, Kathe"

See, just by sending it to her, she can now turn around and help out her son and daughter in law, should it come to that. That, my friends, makes all this writing worth while.

Oh, I almost forgot. Seeings how it's my Birthday tomorrow, I took the day off work and I am going to spoil myself.. because, well, I love me hahaha Mariah and I are both getting our hair cut/streaked in the morning. Then, at 3PM - I have an appointment with Brian, at Tattoo Zoo, to get my 6th (and possibly 7th) tattoo. This one is symbolic of the infertility battle we're going through right now. I'm getting a fancy lotus flower up the side of my calf. The lotus flower is said to symbolize going through a struggle and coming out on top. Since the lotus flower starts growing at the bottom of dirty water, then rises to the top to bloom, beautifully. My tattoo artist is also going to try to put the word 'Believe' with this lotus flower, but if he can't, then he's going to use fancy script and have it written on my wrist. The reason/symbolism to the word 'Believe'... well, self explanatory - we believe we'll make it through this battle SOON. I can't wait......... to come through the battle and for the tattoo hehe

Bday and getting close..

I had a wonderful Birthday. I did everything I said we were going to, and then some. I had such a good day with Mariah.. getting hair done, going for lunch, going for coffee, hanging out, getting tattoo'd, it was fabulous. After the tattoo (which ended up being the lotus on my calf and the 'Believe' on my wrist) then Dusty joined us and we went for supper together. All in all, a good day.
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10DPO - my temp has dropped from 98.7 - 98.3 today, that can't be good. Though, I was hoping against everything, that it was the famous 'implantation dip' everyone talks about. Especially since it's only 10DPO - far too early for it to be my period, right? Taking Clomid is also supposed to regulate your cycle and lengthen your luteal phase. Last month, my LP was 13 days - not fabulous, but better than it has been. So when my temp dropped today, I was scared.
Today we also brought Mariah to the airport - she's heading up North for 2 weeks. Always such a sad day for me.. I hate seeing her go. She got away ok and Dusty and I went on with our day. Doing some running around, went for lunch, hung out, and actually had to get my 'Believe' tattoo done at 4 - since he had run out of time on my Birthday.

End of month 19 – no longer have control

11DPO - Again, as always about this time of the month, I was scared to take my temperature. Especially since it dropped the day before. I stuck the thermometer in my mouth and did my usual praying.. I prayed it would be in the high 98's somewhere... please God, let it be.... Well, nope, it wasn't. It was 98.2, even lower than the day before. This month my cover line was 98.0, but I knew, that this was it - end of month 19. End of trying to get pregnant, the most natural way, and onto trying to get pregnant, one of the most NON-natural ways. I cried and cried on and off all morning and afternoon. Even though AF had yet to show, a girl just knows.

My parents were coming into town at 2PM that day, to take us out for a late Birthday supper. I sucked it up, stopped crying and started to get ready. Get dressed, did hair and make up and tidied the house a bit. Try to keep my mind off it. That's not such an easy thing to do.. as some of you are well aware of. I find it very hard to be 'happy' on the outside, when all I wanna do is curl up into a ball and cry. But, sometimes, it has to be done.

We all sat around here in the house, chatting. We then went to Red Robin for a burger. I excused myself, as I realized I should have gone pee before we left the house (haha OOPS). Well, what did I find when I went to the bathroom!? That's right ladies and gentlemen, I found that AF had chosen that moment to rear her ugly head and really put a damper on my already shitty day. I had to stay in the bathroom for a minute longer than I'd usually need, I needed to compose myself, to put on the 'Happy' face once again and go join my husband and parents for supper. I didn't want to start crying and have us all have to leave. So, away I went. I sat at the table and did my best to not break down, right there in the restaurant. Even during that 1/2 hour to 45 minutes, I had to fight back the tears about 6 - 8 times, as they threatened to come.

I made it, I made it through dinner without making a scene... but I couldn't hold it back any longer. As I was walking out the truck, the tears came, and there was no holding back. Mom turned around and saw this and just grabbed onto me and pulled me to her, rubbing my back and saying 'Oh, honey, I'm sooo sorry...'. The tears were coming fast and furious, sobs were escaping my throat, it almost brought me to my knees. I couldn't do anything but be held, by both Mom and Dusty, as the wave of hopelessness washed over me.

If you've never been through something like this, you will never understand the feeling that comes over you when your period does arrive. Especially this month, this was our last month of trying the clomid, before moving onto doing the IUI's. This was it, no more, now, we have to pay a minimum of $1000 each and every month we continue trying. Not only that, but it's done by a Dr, at the clinic, in the most non-romantic way possible. The feelings that came were: hopelessness, a pure gut wrenching sadness and a loss of control. From here on out - I am no longer in control of how I get pregnant, it's out of my hands. I don't like not being in control, especially when it comes to my body. That's another thing, I feel like my body is betraying me. I know what it can do, what it should do, what it's capable of, and yet, here we are, 1 day away from 20 months of trying, with nothing to show for it.

We stood in the parking lot of the restaurant for quite awhile, or so it seemed, Mom and Dusty taking turns holding me, or Mom holding me and then getting Dusty to come over too, so she could hold him as well. Anyone who was in that parking lot at that time, had to have thought that we just heard of a death in the family or something. Little do they know, they were mostly right, it was a death, another feeling of losing, yet another, baby.

I still feel bad for breaking down like that, wrecking our supper and time together, but, I'll admit, it was nice to finally have my Mom there, standing with me, holding me when I was going through the incredible pain, the loss. I don't care how old I get, I'll always need my Mommy!

We drove back to our place and all just sat in the truck, talking. By now, poor Dad has figured out what's going on. He probably didn't really have a clue at first, but I'm betting he picked up on it fairly quickly. So now, we're all sitting in the truck.. me crying a little more, and all of us talking. Talking about what's going to happen from here on out.. talking about getting an appointment with the Fertility Clinic, sooner than the planned July 4th(this coming Friday). If we have to wait that long, I'm pretty sure we'd have a wasted month, as I read that the fertility drugs, the injectibles, also needed to be started on cycle day 3. Since my period came earlier than it was supposed to, if we waited until July 4th, I'd have been cycle day 6 - too late to start the drugs, meaning a month of waiting. No thanks, we've waited enough, let's get on with it.

By the time Mom and Dad left, I felt much better, though still, very sad. Dusty and I talked more. Like, WTF is my period doing here so early!? Clomid is supposed to lengthen your LP - so why was it just 10 days this month? That, I'm sure, will go un-answered. I've kinda talked to Dr Hudson and Dr Perry about getting my progesterone levels checked, and both of them blew me off. Even when I went in to see Dr Perry a week before my Birthday, I specifically asked to get my progesterone levels checked, and he said that they had nothing to do with getting and or staying, pregnant. Excuse me, they don't? Then why have I read so much about women getting their levels checked and some women needing to go on progesterone supplements in order to conceive!? Is everyone else wrong? I don't know, but you'd think that these Drs would at least agree to get my levels checked, if only to just shut me up. I've officially decided, that I will go to a walk in clinic and get a Dr there to write down for me to get them checked, if I have to. This is ridiculous!
Well, I called the clinic this morning and left a message, explaining our situation. That we need an appointment sooner than Friday, as in today (cycle day 2) or tomorrow(cycle day 3) at the latest. The clinic actually called me back within 1/2 an hour. They asked me if the Dr knew about us going ahead with the IUI's and when I said that yes, he was, they agreed to get us in tomorrow - which I must add is also Canada Day (a Stat holiday here). But, I guess if you're a fertility clinic, you can never truly be closed. There has to be some women out there who need to get in to see Dr Hudson on holidays and weekends. When it comes to this TTC stuff, there is no messing around. If something has to be done on cycle day 3, and that day lands on a holiday or a Sunday, that doesn't matter, the clinic has to be open and ready to proceed.......
We now have the appointment for tomorrow - our appointment to start paying to get pregnant. Our appointment for me to start having to inject myself with fertility drugs, as well as ultrasounds to keep an eye on me and my eggs, for the remainder of the month.

You really don't have a clue to what lengths you'll be willing to go for something like this - until you're put in that position, with no other hope. I never knew I'd take it this far, I would have thought I would have given up by now. Just cut our losses and continue on. But, if we did that, we'd always regret and wonder 'what if', for the rest of our lives. Yes, I've already experienced being pregnant, I'm currently a mother, and will be until the day I die. But, Dusty hasn't, and he wants to, and has always wanted to. I want to make his dream come true of finally being a real Dad and experiencing all the highs and lows that come with it. And yes, like I just said, I'm already a Mom, BUT, that doesn't make me not want more, just as badly. I too, want to have another child, to experience what it's like to go through it all with someone who wants it as bad as I do. To grow old together, as a family... Dusty, Mariah, Myself.. and a baby (or 2 hehe)
Well.. 1 more day and we're into month 20 - 4 months shy of trying for 2 whole years!
Please, God, Angels, Gramma, whoever is out there, listening to me, please help us.... we need help....