3 Day Transfer or a 5 Day Transfer - possibly the hardest decision EVER!

ALL 6 of them are still going strong

Of the 6 that were fertilized yesterday, ALL 6 of them are still going strong – we didn’t lose any over night!! They’re officially embryos today – Dusty and I have 6 wee babies in a dish at the clinic – weird, but exciting!!!

And they grade them, 20 being the highest: One of ours is a 19 out of 20 and the other 5, are 18 out of 20!! I’m such a proud Momma! LOL

So – Dusty and I will have to go back to the clinic tomorrow to talk to the embryologist and Dr H to figure out what to do and when. It’s then that they’ll decide to do a transfer that same day, or wait til Thursday or Friday!! We’re hoping for Thursday or Friday – that means they’re SOOPER strong and have a better success rate than a 3 day transfer! Go embabies go!

I’m excited, yet terrified – I’m scared to think positive, you know!? It’s a defense thing, I have to think positive, yet prepare for the worst! I hate that feeling, the most!

Anyways, there you go. I’ll let you know tomorrow what we all decided. Dusty and I want a 5 day of 2 embryos **praying**

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3 Day Transfer or a 5 Day Transfer - possibly the hardest decision EVER!

Well, we went to our appt at the fertility clinic and sat there and cried for an hour! We were there to talk about our embryos and decide whether to do a 3dt or a 5dt. I’ve always said I wanted to do a 5 day – but – our embryos aren’t as good as they’d like. Yesterday we had 6, today we have 6-ish - 1 slacker/slower. We could have done the transfer today, but there’s no way for Dr H to pick the best ones, as, at this point, he doesn’t know for sure which are the best ones. By Friday, he’ll know without a doubt which ones are the best – BUT, and this is a HUGE BUT – we could lose them all between now and Friday – there’s no guarantees!

Man, that was one of the hardest decisions we’ve ever had to make. If we have none by Friday, then I’ve just gone through absolute hell, and paid $10,000 for NOTHING!

We finally decided on a 5 day transfer of 2 embryos, on the condition, that if we’ve lost anymore by tomorrow – that we don’t care, we’re going in tomorrow and they’ll put them in me then!

The next couple days are going to be terrible, and then some. Now I have to wait by the phone and we have to pray with everything we have, that at least 2 embryos make it another 2 days!! Go embabies go!

Start naked fertility dancing, crossing your fingers, whatever – do it all! Hehehe

Seems there might be a slight issue with my eggs and maybe this is why our embryos are not quite as good as they want them to be - they're asymmetrical n such. BUT, being asymmetrical doesn't mean they cant get me pregnant, by any means. It just means that Dr H isn't sure which ones are the best right now.

We almost went ahead and did it today, transferring 3 but we, as well as Dr H, are a lil worried about getting pregnant with triplets or something...... as I'm just too bloody small for that!

Soooo scared we're going to lose them all by Friday........ why - why does this have to be so hard, when it comes so easily for most!?

This is killing me......

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Tanya as well as other infertiles...

I just got the sweetest email from my bestest friend in the whole world, Tanya:

I have my head shoved so far up my ass with school right now and for as much as I'm stressing I can't imagine being you. You & Dusty have had the weight of the world on your shoulders for awhile now and you have made out just fine. Trust yourself that you've made the right decision.... there is nothing else to do --- besides, you have made some damn good decisions so far in life!! Remember to breathe and know that I am praying, my whole family is praying, I want so bad for the next day to fly by with nothing but the greatest of news for you & Dusty!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xoxoxooxoxoxo

I'm so stressing right now - and when I read that, it made me cry - she's just too sweet!

It's 8:17Am right now - I have about 2 hours before the clinic is going to call me with the news on how our embabies are doing - and I could just puke. Come on time, fly by.

I HIGHLY encourage all of you, fighting this same battle, to find someone to talk to. I have my first group of online friends 'Just4Today' and I've also, since starting out IVF, have joined another group. It's a group of women from all over, going through the exact same things I am right now. We're all going through IVF, the ups, the downs, the highs, the lows and yes, even the desperate times when you lose all hope. I don't know where I'd be today, without all of them - they have been my saviors!

Here's what a couple of them said, after I broke the news about waiting on a 5 day transfer:
(My screen name being Bella)
Bella-so sorry that you and DH had such a rough decision to make today....I am going to add my voice to your prayers that 2 will be there on Friday.... IVF is completely consuming...I agree...we are here for you...blessings

Bella- You are always in my prayers, but tonight I'm going send up a special one!!!!! Keep your head up......don't give up yet......

Bella- thinking of you. Just know that there is no correlation between the quality of 3 day embies and quality of 5 day blasts. Your embies could end up being perfect 5 day blasts! Don't lose hope. Lots of luck to you!

Bella: Apparently 3 day embryos are just as good as 5 day blasts or my test wouldn’t be positive so don't worry about them having to make it 5 days. If you have to go today then that will be fine and they will probably be better off with their mommy than in the lab anyway!

Really, it helps sooo much to know others who are going through the same thing....... I can never express that thought enough.
Less than 13 hours before we head to the clinic, for possibly a huge life changing event. Our lives are in that dish at the clinic. Our hopes, our dreams, the pain we've been through in the past 2 1/2 years, all rests on what happens tomorrow (and the next couple weeks). I don't even have the words to describe how I feel right now....

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My work peeps

I have to give a shout out to Carley at work - she kicks ass too. We were chatting today about what Dusty and I are going through right now, the stress, etc. Well, she said that she's going to pray to the peetrie dish embryo Gods tonite for me - go Carley go - pray like there's no tomorrow. :)

Also, I have to mention again, and possibly many more times yet, how thankful I am for Sarrah! Not many other 'bosses' would allow you to just drop work and run when needed. I sent her an update a couple days ago, when we first found out our embabies were going strong, and here's what she said:

Woooooooooooot! That is excellent news Shawna! Reading your email gave me a warm fuzzy feeling in my tummy and almost made me cry a bit :P I'm so happy for you guys! As you know, take what ever time you need. Keep me updated!

Sarrah, yet again:

My thought will be with you as well Shawna. I'm not a religious person, but I have been prayin in for you. I have confidence that this will work for you.

Lots of love and good luck!


And Katy, the other day:

I will do many naked fertility dances for you! It wont be pretty, but hopefully it will be effective :P

Without our friends and family standing by us in this struggle, there's no way we'd be where we are today, not a chance. My heart just breaks when I think about women/couples going through this, alone, with no one to turn to, no one to talk to, no one to just give them a hug.

I THINK, by my 'Going public' that it's actually made Infertility a bit more.... understood!? Not to all by any means, but to my friends and family as well as maybe a few others. That alone, makes me proud of myself for speaking out in the first place. It makes the tears, the pain, the frustrations, more tolerable, knowing I might be helping just one other person out there, be a little more understanding to someone fighting Infertility!

I can't think of the right words right now, but they'll come....